5 Points of Connection

Photo Credit:helena-lopes-unsplash

 

Written September 26, 2025

In a previous article here, I mentioned briefly the 4 main levels of connection as 

1. Thoughts
2. Sensations
3. Emotions
4. Impulses

But what are we connecting with?

I believe the most important to be

1. Self
2. Parts of our Psyche
   1. What is Conscious
   2. What is Subconscious
3. Others
4. God
5. Nature

In my experience, it is difficult to connect to parts without first connecting to our Self energy.  It is difficult connecting with others, with God, and with nature, without first connecting to our Self and orphaned parts. 

In other words, the more we can connect with Self or Self-energy, the more we can connect with everything else in our life. If we are disconnected from our Self or from our subconscious, then just praying more, being more spiritual, giving of ourselves to others, or seeking more solitude in nature is probably not going to help us connect to self.

 

1.Self

Self would be described as who we really are at our core, without any identities based on past trauma, neglect, or negative life experiences.  In IFS, Self is seen as something that we all have, no matter who we are, how old we are, what we have done, or what we have not done.

Self can be identified by the 8 C’s and 5 P’s, although there can be other qualities of Self beyond just these 13.

8 C’s

1. Curiosity

2. Compassion

3. Clarity

4. Connectedness

5. Creativity

6. Courage

7. Confidence

8. Calm

5 P’s

1. Patience

2. Presence

3. Persistence

4. Perspective

5. Playfullness

2.Parts of Our Psyche

“psyche-the totality of elements forming the mind, both conscious and unconscious components”

-Merriam Webster

Parts are often formed at an important or traumatic moment in our life.  They are sub-personalities. Each part has its own beliefs, personality, opinions, responses, emotions, memories, and perspectives. Parts can be by themselves or parts can be part of a system of other parts with interactions between them.  There can also be complex systems of parts connected to other complex systems of parts. 

Parts can be further broken down into 

• Exiles-Carry deep pain and hurt from past experiences
• Protective Parts
  • Managers-Proactive behavior to stop pain of exiles coming up
  • Firefighters-Reactive behavior to numb or distract from pain of exile that has surfaced

Some examples of different parts are

• Perfectionistic part
• Critical and judgmental part
• People pleasing part
• Addictive part
• Hypervigilant part
• Overworking or overdoing part
• Rejected and abandoned part
• Part carrying grief and loss
• Shame part
• Part that is vulnerable and tender
• Part that encourages us like a cheerleader

Probably, we are consciously aware of some of these parts already, based on our behavior and how we react to certain things that happen in our life.  However, there are most likely many parts that we are unconscious of, down beneath the layers of our awareness. Sometimes, it can take months or years before subconscious parts start to come to the surface of our conscious.

As we build more Self-energy and are able to understand our unique nervous system and system of different parts, we can start to befriend these parts. The hope is that we can allow these parts to share the burdens they have been carrying, oftentimes for many decades.  We listen to the parts share their unique story. As we fully feel the emotions that the parts were holding onto, that energy can complete. What needs to dissolve can dissolve. What needs to integrate can integrate. Beliefs that were limiting us can change. Perspectives can shift. Then, as more and more parts are unburdened from pain or from protecting or reacting to that pain, there is more and more emotional energy available to the body-mind. There is energy now available for creativity, for joy, for playfulness. There is energy available to deeply connect with others and be vulnerable. There is energy available to feel compassion and love. To feel all the feelings.

3,4,5. Others, God, Nature

Naturally, as we have more access to the 8 C’s and 5 P’s of Self listed above and less pain, shame, hurt, abandonment, rejection, limiting beliefs, and criticalness, our life starts to change. It becomes easier and easier to live our life from a more calm, open, and grounded place.  It becomes easier and more enjoyable to be in relationship and to feel love and connection to others, to God, and to nature.  We may start to see that our current or past relationships were not in alignment with Self-energy, but more aligned with old trauma patterns and loops. We may find ourselves being attracted to different people than before. We may feel a disconnection from others that were very important to us in the past. We might feel a stronger desire to be in nature. We may see shifts in our view of spirituality and acceptance of others. It is just part of the process.

It is not always easy to navigate for sure, but what would it be like to trust this opening up, this unfolding?

Where do my offerings come into the picture here?

In simplified terms

1. Education-We continue to educate ourselves on the Nervous system and trauma and observe our own patterns

2. Stability and Regulation-We create more safety and calm and start growing Self-energy by using the TRE process and resourcing process of Embodied Processing. (EP)

3. Support-We seek out more support by support calls if needed or desired.

4. Conscious Parts Work-We start working with conscious parts

5. Subconscious Parts Work-As more Self-energy and safety comes online throughout more of the body-mind, subconscious parts will start to surface organically.

6. Unburdening and Growth-We continue with tremoring, nervous system work, Support calls,Embodied Processing, and the parts work of Embodied Processing to understand, befriend, and unburden these parts so they can return to a healthier and more balanced level. Then we have more space and energy to grow in the direction we choose to go.