Expansion and contraction are natural parts of life all around us. Think of the expansion of our breath on the inhale and the contraction on the exhale. The expansion and contraction of animals, like the pulsation of a jellyfish. The natural cycles of the earth, like the expansion and warming of spring and summer, and the contraction and cooling of fall and winter. The activity of being awake and working throughout the day, and the slowing down and sleeping at night.
As you continue your healing practices, you may start to see this natural expansion and contraction cycle more clearly in your own life. It is becoming more and more evident in my own life, that it is really important to pay attention to this. I am seeing that every couple of months to every couple of years I have a deeper period of expansion of my nervous system. I can feel a shift, a new awareness, a temporary sense of connection to myself. An improvement in socially connecting with others. A sense of empowerment, that maybe, just maybe, I do have a little bit of choice, that I can move away from blaming and being disappointed in others and feeling like I am just a victim, to actually choosing to be better, and to do better.
I am also seeing more clearly what Peter Levine, Aline LaPierre, Laurence Heller,
After a period of expansion, there naturally comes a period of contraction afterwards. So, if you have a feeling of a large improvement, or a large shift towards the better, be prepared for a large shift to the negative soon to follow.
I often think that this is the natural and healthy way of the body and nervous system rebalancing and organizing itself, and afterwards returning to an improved and healthier baseline than before. In other words, you have already shifted for the good, and the change is going to stay, but you will have to go through some bumps and dips as your body recalibrates and levels out again.
But sometimes, you start to change or you go in the direction of change, but the shame, self-rejection, and self-hatred show up to try and prevent you from moving forward, to keep you in resistance, and to put up a wall to stop you before you can complete it and integrate it . So if it seems that the shaming and self-deprecating comments are stirred up extra strong after something good just happened in your life or after you felt more connected to yourself and others, ask yourself if those thoughts and sensations are really true. Is this really going to help me to keep believing these things, or is it just my inner critic or a part of me that is trying to protect me or keep me safe?
As stated in The Practical Guide for Healing Developmental Trauma-“Often it is when clients are on the cusp of feeling something very significant, including possibilities for greater connection, expansion, and reorganization, that they will start attacking themselves and shutting down.” (Page 78)
In my opinion, sometimes we need to nurture and be patient and gentle with ourselves through these negative spirals we go through. Sometimes there is nothing that can be done, or we are in too deep of a flashback. We can only let go and allow what happens to happen. To understand that “It’s ok. Maybe I’m not quite ready for this expansion right now, and that is alright. I went a little forward, but then backslid a lot! But, you know what? I accept myself, these protective parts, and my nervous system states for doing their jobs for me.” On the other hand though, at times we need to try to tap into these negative spirals. We need to see the shame, and depression, and anxiety, and recognize it as anger and rejection that we are turning toward ourselves, and try to redirect it outward with force. It could be just an emotional flashback from early wounds. “No! I am not going to go into this negative, shame spiral all day again today! I can choose to stop this right now. I deserve better than this! This is not my fault. The person that did this to me or treated me this way, or the circumstances that happened are to blame. I am not blaming myself again. Not today! It stops today.”
I believe that this process gets easier and clearer over time. I sure hope so, haha.
In my personal experience, it’s great to see that a new shift that has happened for me, but it can be very difficult when I’m thrown into a deep hole of freeze, shutdown, and immobility afterwards. It seems that my expansion to the positive can be from nervous system practices, therapy, or just a new more mindful or aware state that I reach when it comes to handling my CPTSD triggers. My actual time of expansion can be fairly short, just a few hours or even minutes, but then the contraction period afterwards seems to last from several hours, up to 1 or 2 weeks for me. I can go deeper into the freeze response and feeling cold, tight, and more triggered and on edge, or even more into the dorsal vagal feelings of shutdown, immobility, depressed, hopeless, and exhausted. In most cases, after a period of expansion then contraction, I feel that I am in a better place than before the first expansion happened. The difficult period was worth it.
Baseline further from safety} Noticeable Expansion}Noticeable Contraction}=Baseline moved closer to safety
I think that life is about balance. Sometimes you just need to be patient and kind to yourself, and other times you need to be forceful and assertive toward your critical voices of the inner critic.
